Yup, I’ve never dated. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of admirers which I have declined and I was simply not attracted to some of my ‘prospective boyfriends’ but that is a discussion for another day. Basically, a relationship had not been in my vocabulary. That is, until now.
I honestly don’t know why I seem to be gravitating towards finding love at this point in my life. However, because I have been able to live 19 years of my life without dating anybody, I feel no need to rush the process. I have survived so far, right?
Honestly, this is more of my musings than a conclusive article on what I want my first relationship to look like. Let me give you a glimpse into the thoughts that have been swirling in my head concerning this matter.
Before I agree to date somebody, I want to make sure that I am ready. I want to work on negative traits that I have and replace them with positive ones. I want to heal from any past trauma and ensure that I would be able to love somebody from a healed soul. I want to be working on my own goals so that my entire sense of achievement is not tied to the man I decide to date. I want to be able to love myself wholly so that no matter how things turn out, I would be able to continue loving myself.
Okay, enough about me. What about my future boyfriend? Well, we must be able to communicate effectively. I want a healthy means of communicating where we may critique each other’s points on a matter but not attack ourselves. We should be able to hold healthy conversations of how we are feeling, what has hurt us, and what excites us. I completely understand if in the heat of the moment, one of us may not feel like talking but when emotions have cooled down, I hope we would be able to have a heart to heart discussion. I want us to genuinely listen to what each other says.
Apart from communication, I want us to be in love with each other. Please don’t ask me to define what love is because I’m still trying to understand it fully myself. I do know that he is the person I want to feel vulnerable around. I want his pain and joy to be mine and my lows and highs to be his. When I am having a bad day, I want to be able to find peace within him and vice versa. I want his very existence to give me to a reason to smile and I’d love for his face to light up whenever he thinks of me. I want to be there for him in every way possible and let him know that I am his number one lover, friend, supporter, and admirer. (Maybe I have been watching too many movies).
Moreover, for my first relationship, I want to be able to grow with my partner. I would love both of us to be passionate about the things we love and support each other to achieve our goals and interests. After our relationship has ensued for a while, I want us to look back and be proud of how far we have come and motivate ourselves to become even better. The growth should be holistic – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, socially, and professionally.
Lastly, I want to be respected in a relationship. As it stands now, it does not seem likely that I’d opt for an open relationship. As a result, once I am in a relationship, I expect that it is only the two of us in that relationship; no third-parties included. If he cheats on me, I’d be out quicker than Flash. I would not tolerate abuse of any kind; I am worth more than that. I also do not expect to compromise on values I hold dear to such as integrity, hardwork, and loyalty. If my relationship makes my belief in these values waver, I might have to rethink staying in such a relationship.
I guess you now understand the thoughts of that have been swimming in my head for a quite a while. I am not actively looking for love but if I do fall in love, I want to be able to know what I am looking for in a relationship. Who knows? I just might end up in a relationship as I turn 20.