I couldn’t write. I tried but I knew if I wrote, everything written would have been far from authentic. And that’s not me. That’s not the brand I want to create. So, I didn’t write.
Let me backtrack and give some context before I tell the story of why I have not updated this blog in forever! And let me regress further and say, hiiiii! How are you? Yes, genuinely, how are you? I may not see your response, but I honestly do care.
Alright. So, the last time I posted anything on this blog was mid-March and we are in Mid-June, so it has been roughly three months since I last updated the blog. And prior to the March post, I had been barely writing, only making sporadic updates. Truthfully, my consistency in posting dropped during the latter part of 2020. The reason: I took an unintentional break because I am not a superwoman but was deluded that I was one.
In September 2020, I had a wonderful job opportunity which I accepted and began to do alongside my stressful academic work. This slowed down my blog posts since I was now trying to find the perfect balance between work and school, much less blogging. But I was optimistic that I could juggle all three eventually. Now, under different circumstances, this may have been true, but I was in a unique disposition. The job I was doing was a creative one that heavily tasked my imaginative and writing abilities, plus school was tasking on every ability. It goes without saying, by the time I fulfilled my school and work obligations, my mind was too fogged to come up with blog post ideas or properly plan my next interview.
Then, my school had its first-semester break and I thought I’d use that time to re-strategize and come back harder in 2021. At this point, we can collectively laugh because sitting here in June, we know that didn’t happen. (I forgot to mention, I was also actively involved in projects, school clubs, interviews with global companies, and more, alongside everything else). So, when I went on a break, I needed the break. I rested from academic stress but at work, things became 1000x hectic because the festive season is one the busiest seasons for that type of work. So, yes, there was not much time to focus on other things because I had tight deadlines to meet.
Then 2021 emerges. Woo-hoo! New year festivities wound down and before I could blink, the next semester had started. Having a plan for my academic trajectory till I graduate, I opted to take an extra course that semester. Still, I believed that, I will pick up the speed with my blogging once more (Cue in audience laughter).
In January, I saw an email about a Unilever marketing competition and interested, two friends and I applied as a team, and we reached the semi-finals. Around the same time, I also heard about the L’Oreal Brandstorm competition. So, myself, one of my teammates from the Unilever competition and another schoolmate formed a team to compete. Straight after the Unilever competition, we rested for less than a week and dived right into the L’Oreal competition. It was a very involving and intense competition with many elimination stages, and it took a huge chunk of our time, especially since we progressed to the last but one round.
Now, on paper, these just seem like activities I’m relaying but there is an emotional and mental aspect (drainage?) as well. My work and academics were mentally exhausting, and the competitions also required heavy mental input. Plus, there’s a rollercoaster of emotions of wondering if you’re accepted to the next stage or not, and when not accepted, that’s another sea of feelings to navigate.
So, I couldn’t blog. Well, technically, during this period, I had scheduled some interviews both locally and internationally, but some fell through (another disappointing blow I had to face) and some I did not pursue further due to fatigue.
Then the school year ended Mid-May and I thought, hey, I’m going to type the next day like no time has passed. I couldn’t. For the first week of vacation, I was sleeping for hours on end. I’ll do my tasks for work and then hit my bed and sleep like there was no tomorrow. I was tired physically, emotionally, and mentally.
However, if you’ve realized by now, I’m not used to idleness. After a week of not doing much, I began to get aggravated. But I literally could do nothing. I’d open my laptop to type, and my mind goes blank, and a wave of fatigue would send me back to my bed. And then I became worried. What is happening to me? Why am I not snapping back into action like before? Am I good? My mind raced in all directions.
Also, with this inner turmoil, I realized that constantly being on social media was not helping much either. So, I took a social media break. (Came back a couple of times during the break, because a girl is a-d-d-i-c-t-e-d but was proud to have spent at last one straight week without social media). Honestly, it was the best decision ever. Being detached from everyone’s voices, helped me to focus on my own and do some inner searching. I faced my truths and re-strategized. It put that spark back in my eyes and my inner motivation was ablaze once more.
I truly wish I could end this piece by saying Ayeyi is going to be the most consistent blogger now. Let me not hold myself to a standard I may not fulfill. But I know I do love doing this, but I am not superhuman, so I’ve got to chill on the number of tasks I take on. Will I come back stronger than ever? Hell yes. Will I continue blogging? Hell yes. Will I focus on my mental health more? Hell yes.
So yeah, there you have it. That’s why I have been MIA on this blog for an eternity (definitely felt like one anyway).